A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
smell my finger.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
