i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
