what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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