I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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