She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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