i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
