Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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