I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
