And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
