I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
