Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
