dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
