If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
