Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
