if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
