peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
