As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
