So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
