saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
