She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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