did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
