i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
