somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
