Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
