Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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