you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
