dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
