Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
