my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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