I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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