Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're like the curious george of whores
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
