is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I want is dick and wine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
