my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
