is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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