we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
