Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
