After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
