I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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