Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize