GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize