you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
