I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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