foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
