you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize