Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
