when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
