I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
