I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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