wrigley field is MILF paradise
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
