Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
