i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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