She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
