Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
