we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
