Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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