I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
