LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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