I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
