from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
