this will be a night to untag.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize