I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
