please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
