Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
