im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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