I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
