dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
