You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize