Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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