its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize