I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
