I'm lost and stupid without you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
