Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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