He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
